Back on the hamster wheel

I've made a couple of mentions of work, and I kind of planned to write this post last week, only it didn't happen.

Well, I should have gone back to my old job back in October when my maternity leave ran out, but one way or another, I decided it wasn't really for me, and chose not to return.  Spent a lovely few extra months with Squeaky, and trying to find something that I wanted to do, and that met my basic desire for something part-time & close to home.

A few failed interviews, and a lot more failed application forms later, and I found something.  I'm not going to use this as a work blog, that's not what this is about. But so far, the job is everything I wanted it to be, with extra sprinkles.  So I'm a happy blogger.

This is more about Squeaky.  She's in nursery now while I'm at work, or at home with Squeaky Daddy, depending on his work shifts.  So far she's had 3 full days in nursery, and 3 days at home.  And the difference it's made already, I'm struggling to believe.  She's come on so much in terms of independence, eating better for herself, and becoming more of a toddler & less of a baby.  She cries when we drop her off, and again when we pick her up (though she did that at the crèche while I was on the breastfeeding peer support course, so I expected that.) but she's getting on and doing, playing & joining in with the activities the rest of the time like it's the most normal thing in the world for her.  A huge relief.

As for me?  Well, I can drop her off just fine.  But when I come to pick her up, or hold her in my arms, put her to bed, that's when it rips me to pieces.  I realise what I'm missing.  I know it's best for both of us - I need that mental stimulation & time to be "me" again, not just an appendage to Squeaky, and for her it gives her socialisation & contact with other children that as a (so far at least) only child, with no other real family around, she's otherwise missing out on.  It's hard though.  Someone tell me it gets easier?  Please?