Thursday, 14 April 2011

Back on the hamster wheel

I've made a couple of mentions of work, and I kind of planned to write this post last week, only it didn't happen.

Well, I should have gone back to my old job back in October when my maternity leave ran out, but one way or another, I decided it wasn't really for me, and chose not to return.  Spent a lovely few extra months with Squeaky, and trying to find something that I wanted to do, and that met my basic desire for something part-time & close to home.

A few failed interviews, and a lot more failed application forms later, and I found something.  I'm not going to use this as a work blog, that's not what this is about. But so far, the job is everything I wanted it to be, with extra sprinkles.  So I'm a happy blogger.

This is more about Squeaky.  She's in nursery now while I'm at work, or at home with Squeaky Daddy, depending on his work shifts.  So far she's had 3 full days in nursery, and 3 days at home.  And the difference it's made already, I'm struggling to believe.  She's come on so much in terms of independence, eating better for herself, and becoming more of a toddler & less of a baby.  She cries when we drop her off, and again when we pick her up (though she did that at the crèche while I was on the breastfeeding peer support course, so I expected that.) but she's getting on and doing, playing & joining in with the activities the rest of the time like it's the most normal thing in the world for her.  A huge relief.

As for me?  Well, I can drop her off just fine.  But when I come to pick her up, or hold her in my arms, put her to bed, that's when it rips me to pieces.  I realise what I'm missing.  I know it's best for both of us - I need that mental stimulation & time to be "me" again, not just an appendage to Squeaky, and for her it gives her socialisation & contact with other children that as a (so far at least) only child, with no other real family around, she's otherwise missing out on.  It's hard though.  Someone tell me it gets easier?  Please?


  1. It gets easier, it really does. You're not the Lone Ranger!


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