Both Sides Now

I didn't realise it until someone pointed it out to me this week, but I'm in a quite unusual position, and so, I figured I should write about it.  I've sat on most sides of the mainstream childcare fence (with the exception of begging family members to be free childcare), more by accident than design, but however these things work, eh?  So as Joni Mitchell may have put it, "I've looked at childcare from both sides, now."

When Squeaky was but a little Squeak, and I first thought about going back to work, I didn't really know much.  I had seen a couple of day nurseries close by our house, and someone told me that the Family Information Service might be able to give me more info.  Sadly most of what they gave me was hopelessly out of date, so I got in touch with the two nearby nurseries and arranged a look around.  One didn't impress me, being all concrete yard adjoining a coach depot, but the other struck me as a pretty positive place, and we signed an enormous amount of paperwork, and Squeaky headed there quite happily for 18 months or so.  They did wonders for her, socially and educationally, and the staff are still friends now.

But.  I really didn't consider childminders.  I actually thought it would be the more expensive option, you know, that kind of close attention, a personal setting, it just struck me as being cheaper than a nanny or au pair (really never going to be an option), but out of my price range.  And the FIS only gave me contact numbers for 3, none of which were particularly convenient for either home or work.  Effectively the decision was made for me.

When Squeaky started at the part time nursery class in school, her teacher told me she could tell the children that had attended a nursery, rather than a childminder, or stayed at home, by the way they were more confident entering into the school environment, being surrounded by a group of other children their own age, and having that sort of structure to their day.  That was fine with me, the social aspect was something that was important to me, as we don't have any family locally, and so otherwise Squeaky would only have limited contact with other children, so it meant she got a chance she wouldn't have had at home.  The downside being my hours didn't fit too well with school hours, and the nursery that we had used weren't able to offer wrap-around childcare.

My salvation came in the form of a charity-based pre-school provision, linked to my employer.  I wouldn't have known about them if it weren't for working where I do, but their hours fitted in with my work, and their prices were considerably cheaper than the nursery's had been.  They didn't work in the school holidays though, so we kept in contact with the old nursery for a bit of help if push came to shove.  We also looked around at the education department's out-of-school provision, and while Squeaky's school didn't offer anything, another nearby did.  This didn't really work out, as they cancelled days where they didn't have enough bookings, which meant we were stuck at short notice, but they did get us out of a sticky spot.

My hours have gone down again at work (occupational hazard of working for a charity), so the summer holidays were reasonably manageable, and fast forward to now, where Squeaky is in reception class all day.  As I'm working less hours than she's in school, and breakfast club means I can be in the office well before 9, most of the time things are good.  Daddy works shifts, so I try to fit long days around when he's available for the afternoon pick up.  Usually this works out great. But last week, I was booked on a full day's training course in Swansea, and Daddy was on a late shift.  Slight technical hitch.  I sat in the office and worried, especially as I had asked to attend this course.  I continued to worry all the way to school, and stood at the gates still worrying.  Then I looked around.  Yes, there are a few mums I know well enough that I could probably ask a favour of, but I'd feel bad about that.  And then it dawned on me.  Standing next to me was a mum to one of Squeaky's classmates, ChilledGirl.  Who just happens to be a childminder, one who comes with recommendations from 2 completely unconnected people I know.  So rather than panicking, I asked her rates and what I would have to do for a one-off session.

I was shocked.  Honestly, breath taken away shocked to find she charged HALF what the nursery charged.  As she was picking up her own daughter at the same time, the pick up didn't cost anything either, and Squeaky's routine was as normal as could be.  We popped up a few days before to fill in the paperwork (there is always paperwork, it's a PITA but it's for everyone's sake), and Squeaky settled in seconds.  We spoke about it in the days leading up, that she was going to play at ChilledGirl's house, and ChilledGirl's mummy would pick her up from school.

She had an absolute ball.  The personal attention meant she had a tea that suited her, she was able to play in a home and family environment, and experience what it's like to be part of a bigger family (ChilledGirl has an older and a younger brother), and have your own chores and responsibilities - which in turn made me realise we can ask more of Squeaky than we currently do.  She didn't even realise that she was in childcare, which makes my guilt that little bit less.  Talking to other mums, the homely environment (as well as the surprising price) were a major motivator, the fact that their child didn't feel they were being placed in childcare settings was a big seller in some cases.

For me now?  Well, I have to be honest.  I'd be happier for her to spend her days in a smaller setting now that she has the socialisation at school. I don't have that same motivation to send her to a group setting when she doesn't need it so much.  Fortunately with lower and flexible hours I'm able to cover most holidays one way or another, but having looked at things from both viable alternatives, I think I'd rather place her with a childminder for those times when I really need childcare.  And as registered childminders can accept childcare voucher payments, I'm better off again, because we are still able to make the most of the tax benefits of the vouchers.  Obviously, if I had the option, I'd take all the school holidays off, and stay at home myself having adventures, but life doesn't always work that way.  I've looked at childcare from both sides, now.

I should also now apologise for having developed a bit of a photo editing app addiction. But, nah.

What can your Family Information Service do for you?

I was recently invited to join a parents/carers panel for my local Family Information Service, and it got me to thinking, what do they actually DO?  And despite me being famous/infamous enough to be invited, I wasn't really sure myself.  What better excuse to find out, and to share a bit of information with the world at large?

First things first.  The Family Information Service is a statutory service in England & Wales.  That means that wherever you live in England or Wales, your local authority HAS to have a Family Information Service.  If you're in Scotland or Northern Ireland, similar services exist, though they may have other names.  Elsewhere in the world, I'm afraid you're on your own for this one.

The Family Information Service are a "one-stop-shop" for any kind of information for your family (the clue's in the name). Looking for details of local childminders?  Out-of-school services? Youth clubs for a teenager?  Give the Family Information Service a call.  Maybe you've got a child with a disability and you're looking for some advice, or other parents in a similar situation. They can point you in the direction of someone who can help.

The Family Information Service don't provide all these things themselves, but they're a central point to find out what's out there in your local area, and to get information about services, support, events, groups, etc.  And if you're involved with a group, make sure your local Family Information Service have got the details, they can't give your information out if they haven't got it!  It's a great way to get new people involved, or if you're looking to expand a service, you can find out where there's gaps in other services at the moment (anyone who wants to set up an open-access playgroup around Merthyr Tydfil on a Wednesday, that'd be brilliant, and you'd have roughly no competition!)

The panel was really useful, in terms of finding out about things I didn't know, and finding out other parents' experiences.  It's like many aspects of parenting (and blogging, come to think of it), we all feel like we're on our own, and we're the only person to have faced this issue/made this mistake, and then we talk to someone else, and find we're all in the same situation after all.  I'm excited to be part of our Family Information Service panel, and hope we can make a real difference in improving the range of information available to people, and the number of people the information reaches.  One thing we identified is how marginalised you can feel as a working parent, so much attention is given to those who are out-of-work, that there's very few groups, informal provision or support available outside office hours.  If that's the impact we have, it'll be very positive for a lot of people. 


Oh, I mentioned events, right?  That's something our Family Information Service do too.  They run a Family Fun Day every year, getting lots of the agencies working with families in the area together to hold a day of fun in the sunshine, with arts, crafts, games, competitions, face painting, a great chance to get an idea of the range of services available (and also really, really good fun!)

So, that's the Family Information Service.  Have you used yours? Give them a call, they'd love to hear from you.

Magpie Monday - NCT Mayhem

As I said yesterday, I braved the downpour and the sharpened elbows of Swansea's parents to throw myself into their NCT sale.  If it weren't for the fact I'm missing the next Cardiff one, I probably wouldn't go back, this one was much harder work than the trendy lefty knit-your-own-tofu brigade in Cardiff. 

Still, I did find a few bargains to share today.  All now in the washing basket, please excuse crinkles, blame the previous owners' lack of ironing skills!

 First off, this lovely Jasper Conran white cotton shirt dress.  Simple, pretty, £3.  Look at the embroidery detail on the front.  (I've just learned how to use the macro setting on my camera, and you're just going to have to get used to it.)

I really quite like buying second hand white cotton.  I'm wary of spending too much money on white things because of the potential for tomato-related incidents on first wearing, but when they're used, then it's less of an issue.  And equally, you can see that much better to tell if something's marked.

 More white, with this little Gap top.  It doesn't photograph very well, it looks kind of shapeless here, but there's actually little cap sleeves, and a zip through the back, making a pretty occasion blouse.  This one set me back the princely sum of £1.50.  If all Gap clothes were that price, I'd consider buying them more often, but much like Next, they're too expensive for what they are brand new.

Honestly. I didn't JUST buy everything white cotton in the hall. This top is actually quite a bit darker beige than this photo suggests, but it was getting late last night when I was taking photos, so you're going to have to believe me. I've never heard of Molly & Jack, but I love the stitching on the elasticated collar & cuffs, and the smock shape means we can get away with wearing it for a lot longer than a fitted shirt.

Last item of clothing, and probably my favourite.  A Next false layer shirt. The sleeves are jersey cotton, and the rest a thicker jersey, though still soft & slightly stretchy.  It really, really needs ironing, but I love the shape, and the detail of the front seams & pocket flaps.

I also popped my nose round the door of the YMCA furniture shop on my way home.  Strange old place that is.  They've got a reasonable book & music section, though there was nothing that grabbed my attention this time, I just had to stop myself buying one or more pianos.  They wouldn't have fitted in the back of the car, and probably wouldn't have gone through my front door either (seriously, you should see my house)

Well, that's this week's haul (or most of it, there might be a couple of items kept in reserve for next week).  See what treasures everyone else has been uncovering on their Magpie Monday adventures.

Back on the hamster wheel

I've made a couple of mentions of work, and I kind of planned to write this post last week, only it didn't happen.

Well, I should have gone back to my old job back in October when my maternity leave ran out, but one way or another, I decided it wasn't really for me, and chose not to return.  Spent a lovely few extra months with Squeaky, and trying to find something that I wanted to do, and that met my basic desire for something part-time & close to home.

A few failed interviews, and a lot more failed application forms later, and I found something.  I'm not going to use this as a work blog, that's not what this is about. But so far, the job is everything I wanted it to be, with extra sprinkles.  So I'm a happy blogger.

This is more about Squeaky.  She's in nursery now while I'm at work, or at home with Squeaky Daddy, depending on his work shifts.  So far she's had 3 full days in nursery, and 3 days at home.  And the difference it's made already, I'm struggling to believe.  She's come on so much in terms of independence, eating better for herself, and becoming more of a toddler & less of a baby.  She cries when we drop her off, and again when we pick her up (though she did that at the crèche while I was on the breastfeeding peer support course, so I expected that.) but she's getting on and doing, playing & joining in with the activities the rest of the time like it's the most normal thing in the world for her.  A huge relief.

As for me?  Well, I can drop her off just fine.  But when I come to pick her up, or hold her in my arms, put her to bed, that's when it rips me to pieces.  I realise what I'm missing.  I know it's best for both of us - I need that mental stimulation & time to be "me" again, not just an appendage to Squeaky, and for her it gives her socialisation & contact with other children that as a (so far at least) only child, with no other real family around, she's otherwise missing out on.  It's hard though.  Someone tell me it gets easier?  Please?

Separation Anxiety

Well, after a longer than originally planned maternity leave, mostly because I decided not to go back to my old job, I'll be starting work in a few weeks. Eeeep!  And so Squeaky will be starting nursery. She's got a space in one by us that we're quite happy with, and today she had her first settling in session.

She's been in crèche before, so I had a good idea what to expect of her, she'll cry when I'm in sight/hearing, but settle fine otherwise. The thing that puzzles me though, is why does she howl the place down again when I collect her?  It's not that she doesn't want to leave, as she comes haring over & buries herself in any available limb.  So why the tears, when she's happy to see me?  I don't understand babies!

Mega-Mummy Milestone!

Today was the start of the long-awaited Breastfeeding Peer Support training course.  I say long-awaited, I don't think it's really taken that long, just since I first heard about it til today, so much has gone on.

And as I was in the course for 2 hours with the rest of the mums, Squeaky was in the crèche.  Only the room next door mind you, but still out of sight & with other people for a whole 2 hours.  The crèche is run by our local genesis project, who provide free childcare to enable mums to go on training like ours, so they can gain skills& find work.

Now, I've got to admit I was apprehensive.  Squeaky's got a fair sized attack of separation anxiety going on, along with a need to wind herself around my ankles every waking moment.  To the extent that she howls when I hand her over to my mum, even when I'm in the room.  But she was brilliant.  I'd read something about not straightaway handing them over to a person, so I let her stay on me for a few minutes, and she then went happily to one of the staff, and into the ball pool for a play.  I had to fill in some paperwork, and maybe that helped too, that I was still in the room and visible to start with, while Squeaky settled in.  Then off I went, knowing she was only next door, and with other babies she knew as well as the staff.

And she was fine.  Absolutely fine.  Played in the ball pool, made some spooky handprints (white paint on black paper) for Hallowe'en, and had a nap in a pushchair. All in all, a good morning.  I was slightly disappointed that she was still asleep when I went to pick her up, I was looking forward to her greeting me, but instead I got to wake her up and got the puzzled "where am I?" look instead.  Maybe next week she'll be awake?